The other Kris Allen

The other day I had a shocking realization—every entry I have had on this blog has dealt with print. My degree is in graphic and web design. I’m not sure why I haven’t included any bad web design on this blog. Let’s remedy that, shall we?

There’s a preface you need to know because this entry is a goodie! You’ve probably heard of Kris Allen. You know, the heart throb singer/song writer from good-ole-friendly Arkansas (my home state). We actually know each other.

We met when I was a freshman in college. Because I’m also a musician, we used to play gigs together in the Little Rock scene (though I’ve always felt severely subpar to his vocal abilities). Not only did we have gigs together but we even went to Africa together.

In case you’re wondering if that disgusting thing that crawled on top of my head and died is real…yes. That is an all natural afro, my friends. It was fairly hot in Africa with that thing, to say in the least. You might be wondering what the frick was wrong with me…why would I have such long hair in such a hot place. I was a teenager, what else can I say?

After Kris won American Idol, it seemed like a good idea to try to follow up on his career. I just assumed that he owned the domain krisallen.com. As luck would have it, it was already taken (his site is krisallenofficial.com).

So who owns krisallen.com? This guy…yeah baby!

For the sake of clarity, we’ll refer to horseshoe mustache/mullet/cowboy hat Kris Allen as the other Kris Allen. I think it goes without saying that this guy is in fact, the other Kris Allen.

His site has been redesigned recently, which was probably the best decision of his life—aside from growing that horseshoe mustache. Thanks to internet archives, I was able to find the old site and take screen shots. Mwahahahahaha.

The new site (above) is, undoubtedly, a vast improvement from what I first saw (below).

Yikes! Are you thinking what I’m thinking? If you’re thinking, “Son of a freaking mother!” Then yes. But wait, it gets better.

This is still the same sight. A bit inconsistent, if I’m going to put it politely. And this level of politeness is kind of like willingly marinating my body before letting Hannibal Lecter eat me without a fight.

Excuse me while I vomit. Nope…not gonna make it…blech!

Nothing could be more epic than…THUNDER!!! (dramatic music plays amidst thunder and lightening.)

The other Kris Allen, I wanna party with you, man. I wanna party with you!

Did I mention that this site was “interactive”? I’m talking about moving backgrounds! Oh yeah.

Viewing the old site felt like tripping on acid, at least what I imagine it feels like to trip on acid. I think his new site is one millions times better but with the bar being so, so, so, so very low…that’s not actually saying anything. We’re talking about a low bar. So low, not even Hermes Conrad from Futurama could limbo under that thing. I think you get the picture.

Amurica, I love you. I’m glad this aint no China or Canda or no crap. This is the US of A. Stay beautiful. Stay cool. Use good design. Or else.

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2 Comments

Filed under Art, Critique, Graphic Design, Web Design

2 responses to “The other Kris Allen

  1. That is quite an awful website you found for the “other” Kris Allen! That’s neat that you know the Arkansas Kris Allen…hopefully he has a better website! 🙂

    • nikparks

      Ha! It’s actually quite remarkable to see the difference before and after he was on American Idol. They have some terrific stylists (not saying that he looked bad beforehand, of course). He’s still the same down-to-earth Kris though!

      American Idol really knows how to brand someone, which I obviously respect a lot. He has a great site, twitter, etc. Pretty much everything.

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